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A couple of days a go, I came across a list, from Esquire magazine of 60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life For.

I have realized that there are certain items on that list that I can say, yes, are worth “shortening” your life for. Of course, done in moderation, not as a constant lifestyle, none of these things will actually shorten your life, but they will make it a more enjoyable event.

I give you then, my thirteen things worth shortening your life for:

1. Danger Dogs: #1 on their list: The Tijuana delicacy — a hot dog wrapped in bacon, fried, and topped with mayo — has made its way to San Diego and Los Angeles, sold from carts outside stadiums, clubs, and wherever hungry drunks congregate.
2. Butter: #8 on their list.
3. Chopped Liver: #14 on their list: Hankering to defy death? Try schmaltz, hard-boiled eggs, organ meat, and onions, all ground to a coarse pâté, thumbed up from the bowl on thick heels of seeded rye. Add salt.
4. Deep-fried Twinkies: #17 on their list.
5. Combo No. 4 at the Varsity in Athens, Georgia: #26 on their list: For $6.90, you get a tray of Americana and grease: a chili cheese dog, a chili cheeseburger, french fries or onion rings, and a medium drink. Upgrade to the Frosted Orange for 30 cents more.
6. Refried doughnuts: #34 on their list: When and where can one sample the unholy union of Krispy Kreme and hot bacon fat? In your kitchen, whenever you make one.
7. Duck-fat potatoes: #35 on their list: of course, I am up for duck-fat ANYTHING, just ask Jeff, who has watched me laboriously render gallons of the stuff…
8. A “three-bagger” of Sazeracs at Tujague’s: #39 on their list: Three strong rye-whiskey cocktails in a row at a bar with the perfect seedy charm.
9. A Home Firearm: #43 on their list: Damn right!

The last four fall under the “18-hour Vegas Vacation” section of their list, slightly modified to fit my experiences - the ones that earned me the nickname of “Little Nicky“

10. Wandering downtown: in search of the Four Queens, one of only two Vegas casinos that still offer single-deck, 3-2 payoff, dealer-hits-soft-17 blackjack.
11. Being Banned: In one glorious night i was read the “You are no longer welcome to play cards here” riot act in two separate casinos; The Sahara and The Riviera, for only playing in obviously winning shoes in their blackjack pits. Due to many hours of free Jack Daniels, I was no longer even attempting to disguise my card-counting - I circled all of the tables, counting the shoe and only sitting down when the count was good.
12. Losing A Lot Of Money: The same night as #11, I began the night with $1500 in my pocket. After my bannings, I took my almost $15,000 in winnings and moved to Caesar’s Palace where, under the influence of more free booze, I lost all of it except for $500 of my original stake. I just don’t know when to quit.
13. Party With Dennis Rodman, the Italian Football Team and some mermaids: Perhaps this one is best left unexplained…