Edition #32. Last week I wrote about things that I had discovered that the British (at least in London and Essex) had misunderstood about America.
This week, in the spirit of fairness, I turn the tables and look at thirteen of my own misconceptions about Britain and the Britons. Now that I have been disabused of these notions, I realize that England is a fascinating place in it’s own right, but very different from how I imagined it.
So here you have thirteen misconceptions that I arrived in the UK with, and the reality I have discovered over the last half year:
- Peace & Quiet: I thought that the famous British reserve would translate into a sort of calm, quiet country, full of nice people minding their own (nice) business. No such luck. The bits (Brits?) I have seen in so far are just as rude, loud and overweening as any in the States. The only difference is that in the UK, all the noise and confusion is accomplished without ever looking anyone in the eye.
- Multiculturalism: As an American there is a special type of shame we carry for our recent openly racist past and the lingering inequalities in our society. I expected the UK to be something of a model for racial/cultural integration and harmony, especially given how much the British press seems to go on about being the first to abolish the slave trade and how many languages are spoken in London. What I wasn’t prepared for was that in all of those 300 or so languages, the most oft-uttered phrase in London is “Fuck off back home, then!” Need I mention the BNP as well?
- European: I didn’t realize it until I had been here a bit, but I sort of expected the UK to be quite a bit like her Continental neighbors. Perhaps it is the incomplete understanding that we Americans have about what the EU actually is, perhaps it was spending time in small-town Germany as my only real exposure to “Europe”. Whatever it was, it turns out that the UK is not quite Continental, not-quite American, but walking some sort of tightrope between the two; intrigued by the unbridled
greedentrepreneurial spirit of the US and at the same time slightly jealous of the slower pace and tenor of French country life. - Anti-Americanism: Going along with number three, I expected quite a bit of overt anti-American sentiment, and all I have encountered is bemusement and disbelief at the idea that someone would voluntarily move out of the States and into the UK, and London at that! Of course, there could be tons of anti-Americanism thrown my way by cultured Brits that I, as an American, am too daft to notice, British disapproval consisting mostly of thinking nasty thoughts about someone while not looking at them or changing one’s facial expression.
- Snappily Dressed: Ahh, the land of Savile Row and the headquarters of Vogue. What sartorial delights awaited me in the London of my mind. No one told me that Savile Row existed because every male in the UK has been wearing a suit and tie since they were five years old and is now incapable of making any clothing decision more complex than “does my belt match my shoes”. No one told me about Ugg boots. No one told me about 3/4 length leggings being worn with everything except for 3/4 length jeans, which are worn with giant faux-leather Dick Whittington boots. No one told me. I feel so betrayed.
- Less Car Obsessed: If my first (and so far only) trip on the M25 didn’t disabuse me of that notion, then the high likelihood of being mowed down by a thundering SUV while attempting to cross the street in Chelsea certainly did.
- Neat & Tidy: Americans widely consider our large cities (New York in particular) to be dirty, fouled places. I expected the UK to be spic and span, owing to a more developed sense of environmental care and public pride. Instead, I found myself in the first place I had ever been in which it is perfectly acceptable to throw your trash on the ground in the assumption that someone of lower station will be along to dispose of it up for you. The tsunami of free dailies rolling down Fenchurch St. threatens life and limb, and the piles of litter built up alongside rail lines could probably generate enough Hydrogen to power all the Tube trains for a year.
- Healthier: Given the rousing success of Supersize Me on this side of the pond, I expected Britons to be less easily seduced by the lure of fast-food culture. Imagine my confusion when I discovered how much easier it was to find a McDonald’s in London than in New York, and that all of them were jammed full all the time. Given the love affair with deep-fried ANYTHING in the UK, this was probably one of the silliest of my misconceptions.
- Well-Read: Perhaps due to the American school curriculum being heavy on English literature, I had a warped sense of the state of English Letters in the UK. I expected to find vast plethoras of bookstores, some with enormous selections covering every topic, and a phalanx of smaller, independent sellers of specialty books. What I found was, mostly, two or three giant chains that all stock not much other than trashy paperbacks, cookery books, children’s “literature” and travel guides. Even the smallish seaside resort I lived in before moving here had as much book variety as most of London does.
- More Social: Perhaps in contradiction to number one, I expected to find that in certain venues, pubs especially, a more social side to the Brits. With some lovely exceptions (such as the Gipsy Moth and the Flowers of the Forest) the pubs in London and Essex seem to be reserved solely for either meeting up with people you already know from work to watch football or ignoring the other patrons to watch football. You do talk to people you don’t know from work or school, don’t you? Hello?
- Rough & Tumble: Spurred on by the British portrayals of themselves as a hardy, manly race of people in cinema, I expected to find a gruff, no-nonsense, self-possessed people. And while I have met a few “well ‘ard bastards” in East London, I am, for the most part, very confused by the fact that there seems to be some sort of a “crime wave” in the UK consisting mainly of “muggings” which are not much more than three under-16s asking, as brusquely as someone who is still in puberty can, for your money, without benefit of knife or gun. Where I come from these are not mugger or criminals, these are uppity teenagers and you punch them in the nose. (Note to British Readers: I am not making light of the recent spate of stabbings and shootings in London, just pointing out that much of what is considered ‘street crime’ in the UK is not very violent by American standards.)
- Overtaxed: One of the articles of faith in the US is that, while we Americans pay too many taxes, at least we don’t pay as much as the Europeans do, with all their social programs to support. With that in mind, I was not very happy about what our tax situation in the UK would be. The reality turns to be quite a bit rosier than I had thought. My tax bill, all in, in the UK is almost identical to that I had in the States, as a percentage of income. The only real difference is that in the UK, I can afford health care…
- Everyone Lives In Castles: Eddie Izzard said so! They’re supposed to be littering the place. I want my castle too…
Another brilliant analysis of the great cultural divide…I love the English, bless them, but their own beliefs about themselves are about as accurate as their beliefs about Americans. The multiculturalism thing is particularly upsetting; it seems increasingly acceptable to be overtly racist there, an alarming trend. I’m fascinated by your insights.
I have heard about a lot of these already, however the tax and medical insurance was a surprise. More people in America need to hear about this.
1. Okay… I won’t say bad words.
2. I want a Castle too!
3. British funny, or American funny? Since this is my first comment I don’t have a baseline funny.
4. Will I be sent there for responding to the instructions to comment instead of just commenting?
The rise of the BNP, which is an openly and avowedly racist and fascist political party puts the lie to any idea of British multiculturalism. I was honestly quite shocked to see how casual and pervasive the racist attitudes were on display here in London, which is supposedly one of the great cosmopolitan cities.
Yeah, Americans are way too smug and self-congratulatory about the States, particularly when it comes to health-care. I don’t know if socialized medicine is that answer, though I tend to lean that way, but what I do know is that in 2007, the United States will spend (when you add public and private outlay together) more than 20% of the entire GDP of the country on health care.
In the Nordic countries, whose social medicine programs make the British system look pathetic, that outlay will be around 6-7% and in Britain the cost will be 5%.
1. Thanks
2. Doesn’t everyone?
3. Funny funny, but I suppose actually more French funny – wit, not humour.
4. Of course not. But at least I know someone read them.
Well Eddie Izzard is, in fact, correct. Everyone has a castle because under new EU regulations that Tony Blair was delighted to introduce, the saying “an englishman’s home is his castle” has become the definition of castle. Therefore, apart from the homeless, ever English man has a castle. Women and furriners don’t
So wait, if I stick around long enough to naturalize, I get a castle? Fantastic. I believe I’ll have Totnes, if no one’s using it
Great post. I’m a British expat living in Manhattan — the bizarro you. I own a teahouse and a chip shop in the west village, home to the largest concentration of Brits in nyc.
I’m lobbying the city to create a ‘little britain’ in the west village. Such a moniker will be in the spirit of neighbourhoods like Little Italy and Chinatown and become a welcoming place for Londoners, Britons, and of course, American expats living in London too — why not?
Sign the petition at
http://www.campaignforlittlebritain.com!
(deadline is May 1!)
Check us out on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x96FrakUPfs
Speaking as a 100% pure, born and bred Englishman, (with a hint of Irish), I thought that i should apologise for my country.
I’m sorry if you visiting Americans are disillusioned with our fair country. It must be a real disapointment to find that we don’t all run around saying things like “stone the crows” or “God bless, yer, Guv’nor”. How frightfully upsetting it must be to see us not dressed in Bowler hats and Pinstripe suits, or to be dressed as Beefeaters. Dick Van Dyke has a lot to answer for.
Contrary to popular opinion, very few of us will stand to attention upon hearing “God save the queen”, either.
All of the points metioned above are reasonably fair, to a greater or lesser extent. It’s important to note that we have finite space in this country and are currently being swamped with immigrants. Multi Culturalism doesn’t enter into it – everything has a limit. As for the BNP? Nobody I know takes them at all seriously, and i live in a less than prosperous area. We’ve seen them all before; National Front, Combat 18, Bulldog youth. (Ku Klux Klan, anyone?).
I don’t consider myself European. I’m English and bloody proud of it. Remeber; we are an island. We are ferociously proud of our heritage and even the most mild mannered of us will get upset at the thought of that being cast aside. We are fearcely independent.
Anti American? We’re, simply, NOT!!! We ARE anti Bush. Why oh why did you let him take power? Do you have any idea how unpopular it has made America? For god’s sake do something about him. Please?!!! He makes Margaret Thatcher seem like Mother Theresa of Calcutta. Do the world a favour and make your president look after your country, instead of allowing him to appoint himself leader of the world. He isn’t and never will be.
Snappily Dressed? When you manage to de-invent the mullett and stop wearing overcoats and tartan trousers, over here, you’ll have a point. We do have an underclass in England, known as the “Chav”. These people enjoy cheap \ fake sportswear and doing, basically, nothing. There are many theories as to the origin of the chav; I believe they are the offspring of an unfortunate pigeon who flew too close to chernobyl and mutated.
Less Car Obsessed? Could’nt agree more. far too many of them on the roads and it isn’t getting any better. This might have something to do with the fact that we have, possibly, the worst public transport system imagineable.
England is still a good place to live. I live in the North and spend a lot of time in the Lake District. Our beaches have to be seen to be believed and no; it doesn’t rain all the time!
We are, however, taxed senseless. I pay tax on my fuel, tax on my car insurance, I have to pay road tax to drive the car on the road. I have to pay to have the car scrapped, (wrecked?), when its life comes to an end. I also have to pay for my driving licence aswell as the test i have to pass to get it.
I have to pay National insurance, Income Tax and everything i buy is subject to 17.5% Value Added Tax, (V.A.T.). (Maybe if we didn’t spend it ruining Iraq we’d be better off). The list of taxes goes on and on. At one time, we had to pay Poll tax, just for existing. Now we have to pay Council tax. My council tax this year is £1400.00. This goes towards rubbish collection and such like. We also have to pay an additional amount for the Police. We also pay water rates. (Unless you’re unemployed, that is…). Here are some real life prices for you to make comparisons;
Packet of cigarettes; £5.35
Pint of Milk; 0.47p
Loaf of bread; 85p
Litre of fuel; 89p
I could go on and on.
Cheerio, old fruits.
A bit of clarification then, as I am not sure that you have actually read (or understood) what it is that I wrote above. I am not “visiting”, I am one of the immigrants you are being “swamped with”. I pay Council Tax, NI, and all the rest.
I mention the BNP because where I live in England (Essex, Thurrock to be exact) people do take them seriously. As to comparisons with the KKK, last time I checked there were no Klan members who were elected officials…
As to anti-Americanism, if you read what I wrote, you will see that I have experienced quite a bit less of it than I thought I might, and what I have seen has taken the form you have spewed; holding me personally responsible for a president that I did not vote for and who was a large part of my decision to become an expat.
As an ice-hockey fan I have to inform you that the Mullet is a Canadian re-invention, not an American one. However, I will stick to my guns on the rest of my lambasting of the unusually high number of fashion victims I see daily on the tube in London. There is no excuse, none whatsoever, for a woman with a Prada bag to ever wear skinny jeans and UGG boots. None.
As I said earlier, I live here, so I am well aware of the price of things, both relative and absolute, and my conclusion was, and is, that for a struggling writer and a school teacher, the tax burden living in the UK is almost the same as what we had in the US, with the difference being that the NHS does provide adequate care for most things without us also having to buy outrageously expensive private insurance as we did in the States.
Cheerio yourself, ye knob.
You might enjoy this then.
Hey. Calm Down – only joking…