You never know, as an American, just how amazing your country is until you listen to Britons describe it, or answer their questions about it.
I have learned quite a lot of interesting facts about my home country in the first six months I have lived in and around London. I was shocked, actually, at home much I didn’t know, or was mistaken about knowing, about my own country. Embarrassing really.
But, the ever-helpful British are always there to help get you back on the right track when you find yourself mistaken about things. They are always so eager to help you learn by correcting your mistakes. So I give you Thirteen Things I Have Learned About America From The British:
[note: this post violates New York City law and should not be read within that city.]
- All Americans Are Overweight: Says Europe’s fattest women.
- Fast Food Portions Are Bigger In The States, and Fast Food Is The Only Thing We Eat There: In a strange mix of Supersize Me-driven disgust and ‘no empire no more’ put-upon jealousy, no one here is willing to believe that McDonald’s isn’t holding out on them by not shipping the truly enormous American-sized fry/chip containers across the Atlantic.
- There Is A Thatcherite Fifth Column Ready To Take Over New Hampshire By Force If Necessary: I think this is in relation to the “Free State” project where a bunch of libertarians pretended they would get off their asses and move to New Hampshire if all the other libertarians did the same. In either case, the sheer nuttiness of their supporters across the pond makes it all worth while…
- At Least The United States Isn’t Full Of Niggers: Yep, that is a direct quote from a completely average Essex boy, bemoaning his bad luck at living in a country that has more than one race in it, though unless you are in E1 – E8, you wouldn’t know it…this is the whitest place I have ever lived.
- British Literature Is Far Superior To Anything Produced In America, Ever: And by ‘British Literature’ they mean J. K. Rowling’s children’s books and the stilted, formulaic plays of Alan Bennett.
- Americans Have No Taste In Beer: Fortunately, I am in London, where every serious beer bar serves Anchor Steam, Brooklyn Lager, Dogfish Head and Rogue Ales. I would never have discovered such fine drinkables had I remained in the beer wasteland that is America
- American Health Care Is Far Superior To Anything In Europe: At 20% of GDP and routine operations that bankrupt people you’d think so, but…
- Americans Butcher “The Queen’s English”: For instance, did you know that there is no hard ‘A’ sound in the English language. Well, there certainly isn’t in the UK. Nor is the ‘TH’ sound pronounced as you do. It is more of a ‘VV’ sound, as in “I can’t be bovvered to learn to enunciate.”
- Americans All Go To Church Six Times A Week: Honestly, I have never had so many discussions about religion in the States as I have here.
- Americans Are All Loud, Bombastic Blowhards: Well, I have to give them that at the very least, the vast of American tourists in London are…
- Life Is Easy In The US: We all drive sports cars and live in huge houses. See the next entry…
- All Americans Are Rich: You’d think that after the Hurricane Katrina debacle this idea would have wilted, but it has not.
- Americans Are All Patriotic: Well, yes, I think we are, but patriotism takes many forms, and means a wide variety of things to different people. Dissent in the US is seen as patriotic, which seems to stymy Brits.
hmmm…interesting! i like ur list…u put a lot of thought into it and some things i am aware of, really is the same as my point of view but others i am not sure of…i am going to be an american next week! pretty excited about it
That’s what you get for hanging out with Essex boys…What can I say, I’m in a mixed marriage with one of those crazy brits, and I think their misconceptions are kind of sweet. My favorite item on the list: 3. That one was new to me.
What you will find is that America, like everywhere else, is too complicated to be generalized like this. Where will you be going in America?
Yeah, what I have found is that at least when it comes to misconceptions, Americans and Brits seem to be on even footing – neither groups knows much of anything about the other, and the thing we have most in common is our ignorance of each other…
I have to agree about the beer!
Selena
I hope you are agreeing with my sarcasm, since every beer I listed is American…
Love #8! LOL…but there is something irrestible about all that non-enuciating. That accent gets me every time!
lol
But regarding #8 that all depends on where you are in the the UK, but “does my face look bovvered?”
How about how American pop music is just derivative of British pop?
I’ve never been to your page before, so I’m a little dense as to why and or how long you’ve been in the UK, but I found this fascinating. I’m going to go read the rest of your blog now.
#3 is funny, but Free State Project participants really are moving to New Hampshire, not just talking about it.
Great thursday thirteen! It is very amusing to see how Americans are viewed by other countries. I wish life was easy, I was rich but I admit I am patriotic. I love my country, it is the government that I am afraid of.
All the best
Jon
as you do
Ooh, that’s a new one to me…
I’ve only been here about six months, and all of that in London and Essex. This 13 things is a recap of the conversations I have been having with Brits since I got here.
That kind of patriotism seems alien to everyone here that I try to explain it to…
I learned the most about how foreigners see us Dutchies from a book called The Undutchables. I laughed out loud a lot!
My TT lists cars we’ve owned before our current one.
You are spot on with your list..When I lived in the UK I spent alot time defending my country too..One of the things that always shuts them up is to remind them that without the USA-they would be speaking German today.
Have a “spaecial” and a pint of Guiness for me !!
M
It’s all that fine tv that they watch that gives them such an view.
I was in Denmark last year and asked if I owned a gun, mind you, both houses that I stayed at, had both been broken into within the past year…….hasn’t happened to me here.
Well at least you have some good conversations going while there.
You must be Russian then? It was Zhukov and Konev that took Berlin, you know.
Seriously, it is incredibly crass to try to claim one victor in such a horrible conflict. I see little possibility in, or good from, trying to weigh Stalingrad vs. the Battle of Britain vs. D-Day. Nonsense and rubbish!
I have to admit to fitting the “gun-owning America” stereotype personally. I think it confounds them further when they have already formed a positive image of me to find out that I am one of ‘those people they see on television’.
Ahem… If you will recall… *I* introduced you to Dogfish Head. Sheesh! And I am not even a beer drinker!
I would have no idea abut No 6, not being a beer drinker myself, 10 is only true of a handful of my online American friends, although I agree with you on the tourists in London, there and Stratford upon Avon. And I would say 13 is true of every single American I know. The rest. . . . ARE YOU SERIOUS?
Quite serious – I have had all of these things posed to me as obvious truths about America by Brits in London.
That is hilarious. I wonder what things we Americans assume about the British? My first one, even thought it’s not true: They all live in castles.
Hi, I am participating in a challenge to write about the five most interesting blogs that I read this past Thursday and included your blog. Beyond what I wrote about your blog in my post today- I really enjoy your posts and find them thought provoking.
Jen
I challenged Jen, and when she posted about you I came right over. I know it’s not Thursday anymore, but I liked reading your post. I skipped around to a couple of others and plan to read more later this afternoon. I love the technology you employ on it. And, I like your sense of humor. It’s a good thing you aren’t in Paris, or you would know many more than 13 things to list!
I commented on your note and linked to it in a couple of my blogs. I don’t know how to do links in these comments, but it’s on the homepage of the blog to which my name is linked. I really liked your list.
Oops; sorry–My mistake. I had to change the link (above). Sorry about that. I have several overlapping blogs.
I will be following up this coming Thursday with thirteen things I had preconceptions about when moving to the UK that I have been ‘sorted out’ on…
Thanks for including me! I will have to participate next Thursday.
Paris is the next place I plan on hanging out, so I will be certain to do up a Gallic list once I am there.
I have never pretended otherwise. I find it amusing fact that I seem to be able to get my hands on it much more reliably here than I could in South Carolina.
You are setting them all straight though, right, on the one or two things you knew they didn’t?
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