JONTILLMAN.COM | part of the problem since 1976

Well, here we are with our first person, or rather group of people, listed as unnecessary. And what a nice group it is; witty, urbane, well-read…

Buckley is famous for saying things like “Character is required, along with the suppression of envy, for the less fortunate of two friends not to hold his old friend’s success against him.” and has said that the following quote from Balzac was one of his favorites:

nothing so fortifies a friendship as the belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other.

I have noticed that people that I have known who were fans of Buckley tended to be like him; they value wit and sophistication as weapons to be employed against whomever they are talking with, as if every conversation was a sparring match. For them, friends fulfill the role of sparring partners, who are entertaining either in the witticisms they offer or in the pleasure one can derive in outwitting them. Ideally, if a friend is a worthy opponent, he will provide endless potential for both.

It never once occurs to these people that the basic dishonesty and meanness of spirit they exhibit in their “witty” conversation is the antithesis of friendship. Why would anyone want to be friends with someone for whom everything, including a nice chat over drinks, has to be a competition, a zero-sum-game? The funny thing about these sorts of games, given that conversation iis one of the most naturally egalitarian modes of human interaction, is that by merely trying to play that game, they lose - they lose any chace to have a normal human relationship with someone else. I wonder how many of them become alcoholics…