JONTILLMAN.COM | Part of the problem since 1976

My life in England so far:

Me: “I’d like to open a bank account please.”
They: “Do you have some money?”
Me: “Yes.” They: “Excellent, here you go.”

Me: “I’d like to rent a flat”
They: Do you have any money?”
Me: “Of course.”
They: “Brilliant! Here’s your keys”

Me: “I’d like to make a phone call from my house please.”
They: “Maybe later.”
Me: “Well, then I’d like to make a mobile call in the mean time.”
They: “We will need four forms of ID, three of which must be from the government of Eritrea, proof that you have lived in the UK for 50 years and at your previous address for at least a decade, three letters of recommendation from current customers of ours that have never had a late bill, a blood sample and a personal guarantee from yoiur mum that you are not a bad person.”
Me: “Fuck.”

So BT will not be turning my hime phone on until at least 1 Sept, which means that with the complete lack of cable modem options here, it will be another couple of weeks or so before I have a reliable internet connection. Expect entries between then and now to be sporadic and bitter.